


as if i was never there

by soulbinder



Series: the book of us [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Break Up, Heartbreak, Light Angst, M/M, Songfic, based on day6's congratulations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:08:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23717971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulbinder/pseuds/soulbinder
Summary: You left me waiting, and all at once you left me and met that other person.As if I was never there, you fell in love.(an au based on day6's congratulations)
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: the book of us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708225
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	as if i was never there

**Author's Note:**

> i thought of making seungjin fics based on day6 songs so here it is and i'm starting off with day6's debut song.  
> this is pretty much the congratulations mv but it's seungjin and they're not on the train.  
>  ** _words written like these are taken from the english translation of the song from the mv_**

**_Though there are hard times in life, you couldn’t overcome that little moment and went away for an alternative._ **

  


Seungmin glances down at his camera to check the picture he had just taken of a half bloomed flower that's standing out among the green grass before continuing his stroll at the park. It was a peaceful day by the Han River. The weather was to Seungmin’s liking as well, a balance of the mild rays of the late afternoon sun and the cool blow of the river breeze. Spring has started and the flowers and trees along the riverbank are starting to bloom, bringing various colors to the park. What makes the place livelier are the children playing or happily walking hand-in-hand with their parents, groups of friends who are having a picnic, some tourists wandering and taking pictures here and there, and of course, couples on a date, enjoying that wonderful day of spring. Seungmin frowns in disdain at the sight of the latter. A total hypocrite, if you ask him, since just a few months ago, he used to go on dates by the Han River as well.

Still, it was a good idea to go out for a stroll and bringing his camera with him. He’s been very busy that he didn't have any free time for his hobby which is photography. He deserved a break from all the physical, mental, and emotional stress he had been dealing with as a student. A _university_ student. A _heartbroken university_ student. For the past few days, _or has it already been weeks,_ he was always cooped up in his apartment that’s too spacious for a sole occupant. If not, he finds himself in the library, head bowed down and eyebrows furrowed as he tries to process the words he just read. His friend Jisung sometimes tries to get him out of his apartment, but Seungmin always refuses, telling his friend that he still has numerous school work to finish. It probably isn’t the best excuse since Jisung is also a political science major and takes up the same subjects as Seungmin. However, Jisung’s persistence was still to no avail. Jisung knows how his friend often finishes his tasks early unlike him who mostly does them the night before the deadline, but he is also aware that Seungmin would rather play games in the comfort of his apartment than agree to come with him. It wasn’t always like that. Well, Seungmin has always been a diligent student, but then he became even more so after closing himself off and busying himself with academics so he can relieve his mind off of _things._

  


The stress, along with being cooped up too much, would probably take a toll on his sanity so Seungmin decided to get some fresh air. It was supposed to be a short rest. His initial plan was to visit the park near his apartment building and maybe drop by in a convenience store to buy canned coffee for when he starts his study session again, but the weather was really nice and it was too tempting to stay outside. He started aimlessly walking and his feet automatically lead him to the Hangang River. The familiar scent of the river greets him and so did the memories ingrained to it.

Seungmin pans the camera to a cherry blossom tree gently swaying in the softly blowing wind. The rays of the setting sun were perfect for good natural lighting. He rushes to get the best angle while there was still no one passing by. He made some quick adjustments with the zooming, and just as he was about to press the shutter button, a guy, who seemed to be chatting with someone on the phone, doesn't realize that someone was in the middle of taking a photo and walks right into the shot. Seungmin clicks his tongue in annoyance. He tries to capture a photo again but suddenly takes a double-take when he seemed to recognize the boy he caught a glimpse of. He didn’t even realize that his index finger was still hovering above the shutter button as he slowly sets his camera down and stares at the guy with his naked eyes. Seungmin blinks once, twice, just to make sure that the person in front of him was real and not just some hallucination caused by his concerning lack of sleep. No matter how many times he blinked or rubbed his tired eyes, the familiar tall figure was still there.

He wasn’t sure at first, constantly doubting and denying what his eyes and brain try to tell him. The guy’s back was turned to him and Seungmin could only see a bit of his side profile. His hair was of different color now as well. The light brown hair Seungmin has seen him with last was dyed black. Seungmin takes a few steps closer to get a better look at the same time the latter turns around out of the blue. Seungmin’s world suddenly turns into a slow-motion. His gaze lands on the boy's handsome face. Besides his hair, he hasn’t changed much at all. Well, not much could have possibly changed in the span of a month and a half. The guy’s features were still all too familiar to Seungmin since the latter always took his time to memorize and map them whenever he wakes up first and the other boy is still soundly sleeping beside him. He has also appreciated that face every time the boy leans in and they share a sweet kiss.

The said boy lets out a loud, carefree laugh and Seungmin’s heart stopped. All of his doubts instantly dissipated because Seungmin would never forget the laugh that sounded like music to his ears. It was him.

  


_Hyunjin._

Seungmin was still standing frozen in his place, gaze fixed on the other boy. The people who are passing by are probably giving him weird looks, but he’s not in the right state of mind to care. All his focus was on the boy in front of him. Possibly feeling someone’s heavy stare on him, Hyunjin looks up from the ground and peeks at the crowd. The smile still etched on his lips due to laughing slowly fades when he meets Seungmin's gaze. His eyes widen in shock as if he had seen a ghost, but he was the one to break their eye contact, remembering that he was still on his phone. He mutters a few last words before putting his phone down.

  


“Oppa!”

Hyunjin pockets his phone and glances at his right. Seungmin follows his gaze.

_Oh._

  


A girl who was grinning widely comes into view as he approaches Hyunjin, almost skipping. She looks up at Hyunjin sweetly, eyes full of fondness and affection, just like how Seungmin used to look at him before. The girl latches herself onto Hyunjin’s arm and pulls him closer. She scans his face, noticing how Hyunjin looked uneasy. Hyunjin replies with a nod and a soft smile when the girl asked if he was feeling okay. His gaze then flits back to Seungmin who still has his eyes set on the couple a few good meters in front of him. All the memories he tried to repress comes rushing through his head and the pain he tried so hard to conceal comes back to wreck him once again. More excruciating this time.

Seungmin tears his gaze away. _So this is how it ends._ He scoffs bitterly. He wants to laugh at himself, laugh at his own misfortune.

_“Let’s take a break.” my ass._

**_“Let’s take a break.” I took those words as they were. All we need is time, that’s the way I understood._ **

****

Their story was like every cliché romantic book or movie. Two students who became inseparable best friends despite their differences and later on realized that they have fallen for each other and soon became high school sweethearts. However, if it was indeed a cheesy work of fiction, the credits would probably roll after showing the two of them sharing a kiss while in the middle of unpacking huge boxes as they move in to their shared apartment near the university they both got into. That wasn't the case for Seungmin and Hyunjin. Their story didn’t end there and it looked like it didn’t shape into a happy ending either.

They did get an apartment together, but they didn’t go to the same university. _Differences, remember?_ Seungmin’s parents wanted him to become a prosecutor. He wasn’t against the idea so he took up political science in hopes of pursuing law after graduating. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was charmed by dancing so he decided to be a dance major in a university that specializes in the arts. They were both worried about what would happen to their relationship, but they hid it, not wanting to let the other know about their trepidation. It never became an issue during their first year in their respective universities. They could still take some time off to play games together, watch movies that had just recently come out, or had a picnic alongside the Han River. Sometimes they would also eat out with Felix and Jisung, friends they have met from their universities and have introduced to each other. They didn’t need to go on numerous dates since even the little moments were enough for them.

However, as their lessons started to pile up and became even more difficult, their relationship started becoming bumpy, facing obstacles here and there, lack of time, miscommunication, and jealousy to name a few. They became like volcanoes waiting to erupt. All their stress, anxiety, and frustration piled up and the sudden outpour of emotions that caused them to lash out led to their first full-blown fight. The eruption was tremendous and it left a great damage to their relationship. More fights and disagreements came after that. They were able to cool off and resolve their problems during the first few ones, but they continued to quarrel over the same reasons and they soon got tired of fixing things. They also lacked the time to sit down, talk, and reassess their relationship. They would go to bed angry but wake up as if nothing happened, not remembering what they even fought about until it becomes an issue again. They loved each other and they are adamant they could still make things work.

  


Not until that dreadful night.

Seungmin had just returned home after spending the whole day in the library studying for their finals. He was looking forward to going home so he could cuddle up with his boyfriend after they both had a rather stressful week. He was expecting Hyunjin to be at home already, but the lights still turned off and his boyfriend’s slippers left at the entryway tell him otherwise. Seungmin dropped his bag on the carpeted floor of their living room and collapsed on the couch. He decided to rest his eyes for a few seconds before getting his phone to send Hyunjin a quick message. He didn’t mind the absence of an immediate reply, deeming that the older was probably caught up in doing something, probably choreographing another dance routine. He opted to play some mobile games to blow off some steam. He sighs, already missing his boyfriend who usually joins him in playing.

He has finished six rounds, each round probably lasting for about 30 minutes, but there’s still no Hyunjin. Seungmin shot him another text asking his whereabouts and when he will be home before he started getting ready for bed. He decided to wait for Hyunjin for a bit more so he turned on the television and tried to find a good show to watch. There was still no reply even after Seungmin has woken up from his nap, dozing off in the middle of watching a rerun of a drama Hyunjin recommended to him. Seungmin grew more worried as the hours continued to pass. Hyunjin usually messages him if he needs to spend the night over at Felix’s, but there was no text, chat, or call this time. _Did something happen or is Hyunjin just avoiding me?_ Tons of questions and possibilities filled up Seungmin’s head as he became more restless.

After probably flooding Hyunjin’s inbox and voicemail and still getting no response, Seungmin took a chance and texted Felix, hoping the two were still together. Felix was able to receive and read his message in a matter of seconds. Hyunjin seemed to be with Felix because, after a few minutes, Seungmin’s phone started ringing.

“Yah! Hwang Hyunjin, where are you?! I’ve been trying to contact you all night! Is even a simple text too much for you?!” Seungmin can’t help but yell furiously to his phone. He took a deep breath to regain his composure. He’s tired. They both were. Seungmin didn’t want another argument to spark up. “Could you please just tell me where you are? Or if you’re going home at least? I’m worried about you.”

The other line was silent. Seungmin’s relief was short-lived as he started getting anxious again. The silence was not sitting well with him.

“Hyunjin-ah, are you there?”

He heard Hyunjin heave a sigh.

“Seungmin-ah, let’s take a break.”

  


**_Like nothing happened, you broke my heart. Your smiling face shows you don’t care and you look happy._ **

  


A break. Seungmin admits that they do need one. Their relationship has become overwhelming for the two of them. They have to take some time apart to think things through. They need it, but Seungmin was still hesitant. He knows his relationship with Hyunjin is hanging by a thin thread and it’s only a matter of time before it breaks or one of them decides to cut it. 

Seungmin didn't cry, but he was still hurting. He's not even expecting Hyunjin to come back anymore. The latter didn’t even bother going back to their apartment and personally talk to his boyfriend. Still, Seungmin was still hoping for the best. He loves Hyunjin and he doesn't want to let go, at least not yet.

_Was what they had so insufferable that he wanted to get away as quickly as he could? Would he still want to come back?_ Seungmin kept asking himself. They’ve been spending more time together after Hyunjin picked him up at his university and took him to a dog café for a date. It was Hyunjin’s way of apologizing for getting home late for the past week and rarely seeing Seungmin anymore since the younger had early morning classes. They were _happy_ , at least Seungmin was happy. _Is it really the end?_

To stop himself from overthinking, Seungmin busied himself with school work and in doing so, he started shutting himself out. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism, forgetting to eat or choosing not to eat at all, staying awake and losing sleep because all sorts of thoughts tend to cloud his mind when he’s tossing and turning in bed, and just bursting into tears, crying until he passes out when everything becomes too much for him.

Fortunately, he has friends, most especially Han Jisung, who tried to stop him from further destroying himself. His friend, sometimes along with Felix, will invite themselves over to Seungmin’s apartment bringing takeout and sometimes games to cheer the youngest up. They were somehow successful in doing so.

He found out from Felix that Hyunjin went to LA to study dance and he will most likely be staying there for a whole month. Seungmin didn’t say anything. He just nodded absentmindedly while Felix was looking at him warily, suddenly feeling regretful after answering Seungmin’s queries. _Leaving, with no assurance of coming back._ Seungmin decided not to think about it anymore.

Jisung and Felix tried to convince him that it was still just a “break”, a momentary pause in their relationship. They believe the couple will soon sort things out and be back to how they were, two boys sickeningly in love with each other. Seungmin tries to convince himself too.

  


Clearly, they have very different definitions of the statement and immensely different ways to cope with it. While Seungmin was barely getting by, doing his best to put on a mask in front of everyone when deep inside he’s hurting, Hyunjin has already moved on. He has easily forgotten about his past, forgotten about Seungmin. He left just like that and fell in love again as if he didn’t have someone who loves him, _as if he didn’t have someone he said he loves. Was he even truly in love?_

  


**_Are you that happy? You can’t stop smiling. I still have heartache when I breathe. Lucky that it won’t happen to you. If you break up again, all you have to do is find another love._ **

Seungmin clenches his jaw and tightens his grip on the strap of his camera, an array of emotions rapidly consuming him. There was sadness and disappointment as his rose-tinted glasses were thrown off to the ground and stomped on until it was beyond repair, just like his heart. However, Seungmin expected this, prepared himself for the heartbreak when they both decide to end whatever it is they had, but Hyunjin, who always seems to outdo himself for Seungmin, managed to surpass the latter’s expectations. Upon seeing his _boyfriend_ for the first time during their supposed _break_ , Seungmin immediately seethes with anger, bitterness, betrayal, _and hatred,_ towards the person he once loved and towards himself for being foolish and still wanting said person back.

Hyunjin glances up and meets Seungmin’s gaze. He always had the ability to read through what the younger’s eyes convey. This time, he chooses to ignore them, looking away and back to his companion who was cheerfully talking to him. Hyunjin smiles at her again, one that’s less tensed and more genuine. Seungmin kinda wants to run up to him and wipe the smile off his face with a punch so Hyunjin could at least know how it feels to be hurt. It’s unfair, how Seungmin seems to be the only one hurting.

Instead of causing a scene, however, Seungmin turns around and starts heading to the direction away from his past lover. His steps were large and he’s walking fast, wanting to get away as quickly as he can before he suddenly breaks down in the middle of a park surrounded by tons of strangers. He doesn’t look back, rather he looks up to the darkening sky as he felt a lump in his throat and the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He needs to get away.

  


“Seungmin-ah.”

A tight grip on his wrist stops him dead in his tracks as he hears his name being called by an all too familiar voice. Seungmin’s heart drops. It’s the voice he’s been trying to hear whenever he tries to call and not the monotonous voice that tells him his boyfriend is unavailable. It's the voice that keeps playing in his head, repeating the same words over and over.

He wants to break free, run away, and have a good cry alone in his apartment to let out all the emotions he bottled up until his eyes are dried out. However, his hesitation to go is enough to make him stay.

  


“Hyunjin-ssi.” Seungmin doesn’t miss how the boy mentioned slightly flinches at how the younger says his name in a formal manner, voice grave and devoid of any emotions. If Hyunjin decided to end it all just like that then they’re no more than strangers now. Seungmin didn’t even bother smiling or acting friendly. It will come off as fake anyway and Hyunjin will surely notice it. “I didn’t know you were back already.”

Hyunjin ducks his head and fidgets with his fingers. Seungmin wants to laugh at how Hyunjin seemed guilty for flying off to another country without even saying a word to his boyfriend. “I-I...” He pauses to organize his thoughts before speaking again. “I got scouted by a dance company here.”

Seungmin nods. “I see you’re doing just fine. That’s good. I think the break really helped you.” Hyunjin’s lips curl into a frown, knowing Seungmin’s words were heavily coated with sarcasm.

Seungmin eyes the girl who was quietly making her way towards Hyunjin. She stayed behind the latter, probably sensing the thick tension between the two boys. Seungmin gives the girl a once over before snickering. “I guess you didn’t really need me.”

The younger tugs on the strap of his camera to fix it’s placement as it suddenly felt heavy on his shoulder. He turns back to Hyunjin. “I’ll be going then.” He says and bows, proceeding to walk in the other direction. He takes a step, two steps, three, then he stops again. He stands on the same spot for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, mustering up the courage to look behind his back. He tries his best to put on a smile for Hyunjin for the last time. “By the way, congratulations.”

Seungmin continued walking away, not sparing a glance to the person he loves this time, not holding back his tears either.

  


**_Congratulations, how could you do this? Congratulations, you will never ever come back to me, I don’t even expect that. Don’t know how much better you’ll be without me._ **

**_You left me waiting, and all at once you left me and met that other person._ **

**_As if I was never there, you fell in love._**

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, i'm sorry. but if you know day6, then you probably know that most of their songs are angsty so here you go. sorry this fic isn't that creative. i'll try with the next fics in this series tho (if i ever get started with them). with less angst as well since day6 has some good love songs too. anyways, i hope you enjoyed reading. kudos and comments would be very much appreciated. i would love to hear your thoughts. thank you for reading!


End file.
